Takes one to know one...right?

I've come to the conclusion that I must be some sort of sexual deviant. A freak, if you will.
How else would you explain the fact that I've met and, somehow, unknowingly encouraged two men, in less than a year, to whip out their Johnson's in my car, begging me to watch them jack off? Read about the first, here.

After all, like attracts like. Right?

Let's back up a bit...

I'm chillin' at my favorite spot with my BFF. In walks Los and his big mouth. I didn't recognize him. He comes over to say 'hello' and I respond "Who are you?". He reminded me and asked why I hadn't returned his calls that evening.

I guess if I had, I'd have been there with him because he was not alone: he was on some sort of double date. No big deal, considering I haven't actually gone out with him at all. After the initial hello, he made it a point to circle back - alone - to where my girl and I were sitting to head nod me.* Then, as he was leaving, he stopped by once again and told me he hopes to 'connect with me soon'.

Alrighty.

As I am driving home, I get a text asking if I'm in for the night. Yep...it was Los and his big mouth. I ignored it and went home and climbed into the bed. I got a few more messages but this one caught my attention: "You wanna go to the casino?"

Hells yes!

I love the casino and go so infrequently. I haven't been since I was visiting family last summer. Knowing better but lured by the rush that is gambling, I toss on jeans, a track jacket and sandals and meet him. We make the 20 minute drive to the casino. I wanted to take my car because I know where the weapons are...just in case.

Despite my losing $40 on the nickel slots, I had a good time in the casino. The dude definitely cracks me up. Methinks he was high though...he was a little scattered and hard to follow.

After he lost the last of his cash on the craps table, we head out. I'm driving him back to his car and we are talking about the sunrise and the mild weather.

Next thing ya know, he busts out:

"I am horny. I wanna masturbate. And I want you to watch."

First, I laugh. Hard. Then, taking a more sensitive approach, I respond "No. I don't know you like that."

I'll spare you the minute details, but we spent the next fifteen minutes negotiating. He was literally begging. He asked "What if I sat in the backseat and you didn't look at me? I just need you here." Then "Ok. Just show me a boob."

I was literally LMBAO when he whips out his Johnson and starts beating off. I cannot make this shit up!

Of course, I watched. His member was sizable and I was amazed that he was brazen enough to do this. It took him about five minutes and, being a gentleman, he made sure to jizz on his chest so as to not make a mess in my ride. I, being a lady, gave him a napkin so he could clean up.

At this point, we were at his car. He said good-bye and tried to kiss me on the cheek. I backed away and offered a hand shake. He told me he was impressed by the fact that I held my ground. I thank him for that.

I drive home and, before I could get the key in the door, I get a text that reads "I am turned on by you."

Mmmmkay.

Los and his big mouth are now filed under "Weirdo" in my phone. At least I got a story out of the deal.

To be honest, I'm more worried about the signals I am unwittingly sending out that pulls in these freaks. How can I channel this energy so that it benefits me?

*I wish men could be cool. If I were in a place with a date and I saw a dude that I was trying to mack, I would have played it off better, as would most women have.

So far, the cats are kicking man's ass!

DeJa Vu

dé·jà vu:
(Pronounced dey-zhah voo, vyoo; Fr. dey-zha vy)

1. Psychology. the illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time.
2. disagreeable familiarity or sameness.
3. A hit song released in 1979 by singer Teena Marie, she of the blue-eyed soul fame.
4. A hit song released in 2006 by singer Beyonce, she of the "uh oh oh no" fame. Said song was curiously not about the feeling of deja vu at all.
5. What I am experiencing RIGHT now.

At exactly this time last year, I was groovin. I was 'dating' (I use the term loosely) an older guy, my young guy was in town for a few weeks and, then, I met a fairly decent, really good looking guy. Then the world crumbled around me, in so many ways. It would be too much work to detail everything here. But just know that I was on the top and then I hit bottom (the hitting bottom had nothing to do with either of these men but I'd be remiss if I did not accurately recall the exact chain of events).

What does this have to do with anything?

Well, I recently started 'dating' this slightly older guy (I use the term loosely). Last week, I get a call from my young guy...he's in town. Of course this freaked me out. It is literally, to the day, that I was in a very similar situation last year. If history is in fact repeating itself, I know what to expect in about a week and a half.

So I'm in hiding. Yup. I've drastically cut back on public appearances. Call me crazy if you want, but I am a HAUNTED person. I know this about myself: the ghosts of my past are always chasing me. I, for one, am sick of it. Yes. I am a punk. And I am okay with that.

Until this feeling of deja vu passes, I will only make late night appearances once a week. Sad because I will not be going to my favorite spot (going to the one across the street instead. Ha!). I'll spend my time at home, browsing the Humane Society website, looking at pics of kitties who need a good home and listening to this, on repeat:



**A note about the photo for this post: In the Matrix, Neo mentions that he saw a black cat walk by and then another one that looked just like it walked by soon after. Trinity told him that it was deja vu and that deja vu happens when there is a glitch in the matrix. Yes. I am a geek.**