August 23, 2009

Girlfriend Rules: Fade into the Night

A good friend will hold your hair while you are drunk off of your ass, puking in a dark alley, swearing to never touch the sauce again. She will also tell you, after the third occurrence of such an episode, that you need to get your shit together.

A good friend will let you go on and on about your break up, make you dinner when you are depressed to shower, let alone go to the store and buy food. She will also, once she's near her breaking point, tell you to it is time to move on.

A good friend will, when you two are together and you are vibe-ing with a cutie, fade into the night. One minute she's there...the next she's not. Realizing the connection, she makes herself scarce but watches from a secluded place just in case you flash the 'danger' sign and need back up.

I consider myself a good - albeit often absent - friend. Too bad I cannot say the same for a couple of my girls.

I haven't had any drunken, alley puking episodes (that they've witnessed). Nor have I had a break-up that caused me to be so down and out that I forgot how to function. But I have had - you guessed it - many occasions where I've been deeply engaged in convo with a hottie only to be disturbed by my girl who - usually loudly - interjects her unsolicited opinion into the discussion.

Last week I was out with a friend. We were having a decent time. Enter the cute boy. He and I traded barbs; I was impressed. But the energy was disturbed by my girl and her loud, drunken commentary about nonsense. He looked confused every time she spoke, even going so far as to ask me if she was my agent. Too bad I couldn't wiggle my nose and make her disappear.

But this isn't the first time I've had a friend do this. Last summer, I met a HOTTIE. I actually filed him under "Ooo Aaah" in my phone. He was that smokin. As he was talking to me, a friend (different chick) kept jumping in the convo, telling him about her work, how she liked the restaurant we'd just left. If looks could kill...

I won't even spend too much time talking about the one friend who always, whenever anyone is being macked, has to interject to talk about politics and healing broken communities.

All in all, these women are fairly decent people. But, I am wondering: did they not read chapter 3 in the Girlfriend Manual, that clearly spells out that, when your girl is getting her mack on, you should blend into the background?

Does one need to tell her friend "Hey...I'm digging this cat...can you give us a second?" Isn't this something we inherently KNOW to do?

What say you?


Lite Bread said...

V. dot,
Maybe it’s the aspect of long-term relationship experience or something, but I just never assume anybody knows what I’m thinking or feeling unless I honestly express it. What may seem so obvious through my eyes may not make a connection for others. I just can’t fault others for that.
But, then, I’m always “solo” anyway (a whiteboy has to do that with the IR target. For lots of reasons), so maybe I haven’t experienced the frustration of someone missing the dead obvious in a situation like you described. I guess I may be overly generous in giving people the benefit of the doubt and would just tactfully and discreetly say something to them instead of expecting them to grasp what they might not.

And what’s an “Ooo Aaah” anyway? I’m quite sure I’ve never had such a qualifier, so I thought I’d ask.

PS. You with Creole roots, right? (Your Background says so). Did a Shrimp Creole the other night (yes, I cook. A lot. For my kids) and I’ve tried any number Creole recipes both ways, but I just can’t get away from the good ‘ol bacon grease, lol. Used Olive Oil and Canola tryin’ for the more “heart friendly”, but the roux never turns out the same. What you say? Discover the same thing? Or am I doing it wrong, lol?

V dot said...

Lite Brite:

I am Creole. And good for you for cookin' for the babies. They are our future you know. :-)
I don't use bacon grease, lol, for nuthin. But, butter can make a good roux and vegetable oil can make a nice dark roux. Olive Oil is a no no. Why would you do this? lol. Never tried Canola but I think it's too light. Roux ain't supposed to be heart friendly.

Lite Bread said...

V .dot,
Two things:

My kids might be the future for others. They have been and continue to be My Life for me.

On Butter. I have a bad habit of burning it, lol! I’m always rushing along (you try a demanding career and full-time-only-parent gig, lol) so I’m cooking at 8:30 PM (kids ask “Will we EVER eat before 10 at night Dad?). Butter is so much fussier about the heat range and timing. With oils I get a lot more ‘forgiveness’, so I cheese out and always use them. I tried Olive oil because I use a lot of it (lots of Italian/Mediterranean/East African stuff in my recipe box). I use Canola with my Asian based foods because it doesn’t flavor it much (which is what you want). Since it is on hand, I have experience with it, I tried it with Cajun/Creole stuff; Bad Idea. You’re right about Olive oil; ‘bout ruined it. But bacon grease, ahhhh, so easy to use, so forgiving, such a nice, deep flavor and texture to the roux or base. I’ll just run a few extra miles to burn it off; to justify it in my mind, lol!

V .dot’s Cooking Blog! LOL!

Nicki Sunshine said...

I assumed every chick knew this.. can't you feel the vibe?

Anywhoot, I think you need to tell her... maybe not then and there but before it happens.... maybe she's just not in tune with the vibe.

suga said...

This happened to me on my recent trip in Miami. She wasn't one of my close girls though, but that is not an excuse. Every woman should know this...unless she is a hater, and I dont believe in haters, just like I dont believe in unicorns. But I do believe in women who don't know how to function in social settings on their own so walking away and being alone in a club/lounge/bar/place where a cutie strikes up a convo with her friend, won't even cross her mind. It is truly a shame

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